Thank you for sharing Ann Marie's story. It's so devastatingly and powerfully told.
I was completely struck by that one, awful moment. The nurse asks, "Do you want us to resuscitate him?" and Ann Marie's stunned thought is: "But didnβt I already decide this?? Do I have to answer again now??β
Itβs this heartbreaking moment where the "official" document, the DNR, completely fails to protect her from the brutal, emotional reality of the moment. It's the gap between the protocol and the pain.
My novel, "What Was Here," is obsessed with that exact gap.
It's about a child in a Gaza camp who, to cope, builds his own bureaucracyβa 'Ministry' with logbooks, "protocols," and a "seal". He desperately wants his protocols to be real, to be stronger than the chaos. He logs a death as "Status: Pending. Location: Under review" or misspells a name "forever" because the seal has been applied.
Ann Marie's story is the devastating, real-world truth of what happens when those systems we build to protect us just... fail... in the face of life and death.
Hi Karen, thank you so much for reading and for this comment. I'm so glad the parallels resonated. That core idea of "harsh systems" is exactly what I was trying to explore. Really appreciate you taking the time to engage with it.
This really resonated with me. I work in Home Health and Iβve been alone with a patient in their home when they went into cardiac arrest and because unresponsive. I called 911, the paramedics arrived within minutes and started to fly into action. Thatβs when I found his signed DNR on the fridge and yelled βWait!β Everything stopped. We followed his wishes and he passed away. It was an emotional moment, but Iβve always been so grateful to him that he had his wishes so clearly posted. Thanks for writing about this. These conversations are so important.
Wow. That is a great story of how posted those advance directives can make all the difference. Itβs so good you were there to break up that treatment momentum!
Oh man, Kevin! On Fatherβs Day even! One of my top questions for God: βWhat is up w death and dates?β
Thank you for sharing such an intimately, strange moment, and incomprehensible decision. Resuscitation is so important to discuss. So many misunderstandings. So much grace in your retelling.
Am I correct in that you are a strong supporter of death autonomy and the medical practice respecting this and communicating in a respectful way with those about to grieve ? Do any American states have the equivalent of CDN MAID ? (Medical Assistance in Dying) And I understand it is a completely different notion to the DNR but often has the same "wait. are you sure? no no you can't mean that, let me intervene legally" kinda vibe. By the by, The current episode of The Mental Illness Happy Hour has a couple that discuss an aspect of this, how life might have been different if the husband had simply died... (I acknowledge I am a muddy thinker :) )
Good questions! Currently, 10 US states have legalized Medical Aid in Dying (MAID), and about 17 more are considering it. More info here: https://deathwithdignity.org/states/
MAID is different from a DNR and other advance directives in that it allows a mentally competent, terminally ill adult to end their suffering by self-administering a prescription medication to die peacefully. A DNR, like the one in Ann Marie's story, is a medical document instructing healthcare providers to not perform CPR on a person.
I think you're right in that both MAID and DNRs allow patients to curb treatment if that is what they want. Both also have checks built in, like we see with Ann Marie, to double-check that someone still wants to proceed with their plan.
After 21 years of trying to convince doctors that Short Bowel Syndrome and the loss of 2/3 rds. of my intestines from unfabled GMO foods is serious as they contain a leptin common to insecticides that kill the tissue lining their gut and do that to humans as well.
That nutrition loss leads to peer memory and decreased cognition exactly the same many seniors demonstrate. And most likely for the same reasons. The stores on nutrients begin to run too low.
Hi Karen,
Thank you for sharing Ann Marie's story. It's so devastatingly and powerfully told.
I was completely struck by that one, awful moment. The nurse asks, "Do you want us to resuscitate him?" and Ann Marie's stunned thought is: "But didnβt I already decide this?? Do I have to answer again now??β
Itβs this heartbreaking moment where the "official" document, the DNR, completely fails to protect her from the brutal, emotional reality of the moment. It's the gap between the protocol and the pain.
My novel, "What Was Here," is obsessed with that exact gap.
It's about a child in a Gaza camp who, to cope, builds his own bureaucracyβa 'Ministry' with logbooks, "protocols," and a "seal". He desperately wants his protocols to be real, to be stronger than the chaos. He logs a death as "Status: Pending. Location: Under review" or misspells a name "forever" because the seal has been applied.
Ann Marie's story is the devastating, real-world truth of what happens when those systems we build to protect us just... fail... in the face of life and death.
Since your post explores this so beautifully, I thought the story might resonate. You can read it here: https://silentwitnessin.substack.com/p/what-was-here?r=6r3orq
Thank you for this powerful interview.
Thank you for sharing this βI definitely see the parallels. Systems can be so harsh.
Hi Karen, thank you so much for reading and for this comment. I'm so glad the parallels resonated. That core idea of "harsh systems" is exactly what I was trying to explore. Really appreciate you taking the time to engage with it.
This really resonated with me. I work in Home Health and Iβve been alone with a patient in their home when they went into cardiac arrest and because unresponsive. I called 911, the paramedics arrived within minutes and started to fly into action. Thatβs when I found his signed DNR on the fridge and yelled βWait!β Everything stopped. We followed his wishes and he passed away. It was an emotional moment, but Iβve always been so grateful to him that he had his wishes so clearly posted. Thanks for writing about this. These conversations are so important.
Wow. That is a great story of how posted those advance directives can make all the difference. Itβs so good you were there to break up that treatment momentum!
Oh man, Kevin! On Fatherβs Day even! One of my top questions for God: βWhat is up w death and dates?β
Thank you for sharing such an intimately, strange moment, and incomprehensible decision. Resuscitation is so important to discuss. So many misunderstandings. So much grace in your retelling.
Thank you! I will share this with Ann Marie. β€οΈ I thought the same about Fatherβs Day!
Am I correct in that you are a strong supporter of death autonomy and the medical practice respecting this and communicating in a respectful way with those about to grieve ? Do any American states have the equivalent of CDN MAID ? (Medical Assistance in Dying) And I understand it is a completely different notion to the DNR but often has the same "wait. are you sure? no no you can't mean that, let me intervene legally" kinda vibe. By the by, The current episode of The Mental Illness Happy Hour has a couple that discuss an aspect of this, how life might have been different if the husband had simply died... (I acknowledge I am a muddy thinker :) )
Good questions! Currently, 10 US states have legalized Medical Aid in Dying (MAID), and about 17 more are considering it. More info here: https://deathwithdignity.org/states/
MAID is different from a DNR and other advance directives in that it allows a mentally competent, terminally ill adult to end their suffering by self-administering a prescription medication to die peacefully. A DNR, like the one in Ann Marie's story, is a medical document instructing healthcare providers to not perform CPR on a person.
I think you're right in that both MAID and DNRs allow patients to curb treatment if that is what they want. Both also have checks built in, like we see with Ann Marie, to double-check that someone still wants to proceed with their plan.
After 21 years of trying to convince doctors that Short Bowel Syndrome and the loss of 2/3 rds. of my intestines from unfabled GMO foods is serious as they contain a leptin common to insecticides that kill the tissue lining their gut and do that to humans as well.
That nutrition loss leads to peer memory and decreased cognition exactly the same many seniors demonstrate. And most likely for the same reasons. The stores on nutrients begin to run too low.
Poor memory and cognitive abilities.
Sorry you've been going through that!